So I'm sitting here at work wishing I could just go home. Have you ever had a hard morning and just wanted to start over or for the day to be over already? I think I just want to go somewhere and relax and not have to think. I spent my morning stressed out that a co-worker was not showing up for work and I don't have a key or code to get in until my first 3 months is up (at the end of this month). I spent an hour trying to locate anyone who could open the doors. Finally after walking my very computer illiterate mother through my computer for a link to supervisors contact information I got a hold of someone. At 10:30 finally we were off of nights and locating information on how to get the messages off the phones from this morning. That didn’t work. So I’m finally sitting here just not feeling too good right about now. I’m sore from working out at the gym pretty hard over the last couple days, and I for some reason got all shaky while I waited for my co-worker David to open the doors. So lying down and just vegging sound good right about now.
So it's been exactly a week after I saw my ex. Ironically enough we’ve talked twice since then. Tuesday I was shocked to see his AIM name pop up on my screen asking if I wanted to accept or decline the message. Of course I accepted. Since then we’ve both been able to really express our thoughts and feelings. It’s been pretty awesome actually. I felt good about just telling him that there were no hard feelings and how thankful I was that he didn’t hate me. He felt the same; he never hated me and understands that walking away was the way it had to be. Then Thursday we actually spoke on the phone. It was really good to hear his voice and he really expressed his feelings. But we talked 3 hours total and once going to bed and waking up the next morning I realized I still have extremely strong feelings for him. It scared me enough to know that I cannot talk to him on a regular basis. We didn’t make a good couple. We were great friends and until I can only look at him in that light I have to keep my distance. So the true question is, will I ever look at him in that light? I can see myself easily slipping back together with him. The cool part was when talking to him, he pointed out and I agreed that it felt like our friendship was just put on hold and nothing has changed, though in actuality everything has changed. It’s a weird concept. Well either way I just need to keep my distance for a while, or if I do keep in contact that there is some space between communications. Though I miss him and would like to keep talking. It’s just a rough call. And at this point it’s on me when or whether I keep in contact.
I’m thankful that work is mellow today. I want to just take it easy, buy David lunch and help him realize it wasn’t too big of a deal that he came to work late.
posted by Charity at 4/12/2003 12:46:00 PM 
