I’m in an odd mood today; extremely anxious. I had a nightmare last night about a personal issue that is plaguing me. I can’t seem to let it go. I guess because everything is up in the air. I’m not sure if I can handle much more of this uncertainty. But like everything else in my life (at least for now), I have no control over the outcome and it’s scaring the hell out of me! Sigh… Oh well what can I do? Nothing. So I’m putting it out there. In hopes that getting it off my chest will somehow help.
I have decided to do something for myself. I think I’m going to go to the Getty Museum this weekend. I may force myself to go alone, though today and yesterday I’ve been extremely lonely. Not the friendship kind of lonely either. I guess with all the rejection and uncertainty in my life I would really like someone to like me for me. My self esteem has taken a beating on all sides. The latest blow was the deepest and most personal wound yet. I’m tired of not being enough or being too much. I guess we all have our times like this. I just have to keep living and someday things will just happen.
posted by Charity at 9/18/2006 04:03:00 PM 
