Yesterday I was sick. I rarely get sick like that and it was weird to feel so queasy, I normally have a tough stomach. I didn’t even make it to church.
Today, for the first time in a few weeks, I’m not in the best mood. I don’t like this feeling and I’m not sure what is causing me not to feel as cheerful as I have been. I am looking forward to my lunch walk. I need time to just relax, let go, and lose myself in my journal. I’m trying to identify what it is I’m focusing on that is causing me to be somewhat down. I have been learning so many wonderful things about myself. I think what I like the most about my new outlook on life, and the new exercises I’ve been shown to change my focus, is that I’m not down for long.
One of the things I’m learning about myself is that I lean too much on what others think of me. I have come to the conclusion that today’s issue is that I want someone’s approval. Approval Addiction… sucks. I think at the moment I am either overanalyzing something or someone or wanting acceptance from someone rather then just accepting myself.
Five things I like about myself:
1. My love and passion for Photography and the feeling that it evokes when I am looking at the world through the lens of a camera.
2. My smile, that it completely takes over my face and has a tendency to be highly contagious when it’s genuine.
3. My independence!
4. The fact that I put things out there. I am pretty straight forward.
5. The changes in my body! I’m halfway to my initial goal for weight loss and I’m enjoying every step of the process. I am amazed at the difference in how I feel and look.
I love how writing just 5 things about myself makes me a more confident person. I focus less on what others think of me when I do that exercise. I was asked what makes listing the 5 things different then just being told those things. Well because you cause the person to go within themselves to find what they like. At first it’s a hard exercise, but that’s because we are taught that if we think good things about ourselves we’re conceited or something. That isn’t the case. Anyways, I find that looking within helps you believe it more. People tell me I’m a great photographer and yet I don’t see it. I love photography, I think I have an eye but I’m no where near where I want to be with my talent. But as I listed above I do love my passion for photography. Another thing that helps is a gratitude list. Though I find with my personal insecurities the listing 5 things about myself usually has a faster impact. The gratitude list works in the morning when I take my walks. It helps to get my focus for the day set on a positive plane rather then negative.
I have a fun-filled weekend ahead of me. Friday I’m leaving work early so that I can make it to my church’s Christmas Party. It should be a lot of fun. I even have my outfit picked out too. I’m also taking pictures of Rachel and her family beforehand. And Saturday is the Alliance Christmas Party. It’s odd to work for a place where everyone is willing to go to a Christmas party off the clock! With linkLINE no one would be willing to come and not get paid, kind of sad actually. On Sunday my Post High School to 30-Something (we really need to pick a name cause that’s a mouthful!) group will be doing the Free Hug thing that I posted a video about a few posts down. Anyways, I’m sure I’ll be taking lots of pictures and will take a few weeks to post them as usual.
Wednesday is my sister’s birthday so I get to go over and spend some quality time with the family after work. I am looking forward to it, now that I don't live at home I tend to appreciate the time with them all the more. I am also planning on making cookies for Hector at my work. He somehow got me to promise him some chocolate chip cookies and I’ve kept forgetting. I finally bought the ingredients to make them but he took the week off since he got married Saturday. So either tomorrow or Thursday I need to make cookies. I love baking cookies!
Well it’s time for me to take my lunch break. It’s amazing how different I feel from this morning! I’m positive again, confident and carefree! I love it!
posted by Charity at 12/04/2006 01:05:00 PM 
