There are times in a person’s life when they’ve moved into a new chapter and it’s such a subtle process it’s only noticed after a time of reflection. Well I am not sure if I’m more cognizant of my life or if the chapters are just more palpable but I have seen two recent chapter changes in my life over the last several months. One happened in September of last year. September I felt like my life was being turned upside down and everything I cherished was being taken away from me. In a way it was, but I was cherishing them for the wrong reasons. But that is not what this post is about. This post is about the most recent chapter change… the month of March.
The month of March has been full of change… I could actually observe the change as its happening. In the end, the entire month has been the new chapter coming to fruition. There is only a few days left but I am so far from the person I was at the beginning of the month! It’s amazing that you can change so rapidly. A lot of the change has taken place in the outward but I don’t believe it would have changed if the inward hadn’t been already changed.
I was chatting with my friend Tim the other day and I was struck by something. Let me give you a bit of background. I was in a relationship of sorts with someone and things went south in August. Strangely enough someone new stepped into that role. Not intentionally or by his choice, I placed him there. It wasn’t till this month, (March) that I finally let go and accepted the concept that I’m single. This is a hard thing to confess, just because I don’t know why I never realized it sooner. I actually haven’t had a boyfriend for quite a long time! Long before August of last year! But something in my mentality, my mindset, kept feeling connected and attached to one person or the other.
I think the exciting part about this change is that I have accepted the fact that I’m single. I have embraced it and feel extremely grateful to be so! There has been a massive sense of independence. And in the outward you can say that I have experienced a lot of adventures this month! I don’t believe I would have truly *experienced* them if I hadn’t changed internally.
Early this month there was a call to change at church. We were asked to come up and ask for prayer for something we felt was holding us back from our fullest potential. I immediately knew what was holding me back… an unhealthy need for approval. I went up for prayer; I prayed that God would take this from me and give me the confidence to be who He made me to be. I cried, I was prayed for and I felt different. It’s one of those moments when you feel something inside, you feel different and it’s not fake but it’s a *real* change.
That was the internal change… That unhealthy need for approval also seemed connected to my need to latch onto a guy. That issue being resolved also helped me let go of the need for the companionship of my certain male friends.
Now for the external changes… Where do I begin?! There are a lot and I have pictures to go along with each and this is long enough as it is. I think I’m going to post more at another time.
Labels: Inspiration, Rambling
posted by Charity at 3/28/2007 01:19:00 PM 
