Big Mouth Strikes Again - So I just got home from a nice evening out with a couple of my coworkers. It was a lot of fun and yet I left feeling like the title of this blog… “Big Mouth Strikes Again” Why oh why couldn’t I be the quiet type? Keep my mouth shut at the appropriate times. I just got done reading Pride & Prejudice again (great book!) and this morning I thought to myself… Am I Lydia Bennett the foolish, flirty younger sister, or am I Elizabeth Bennett the endearing, good humored girl that everyone likes? I have decided I’m a bit of both… But there are times, like tonight, where I feel solely like Lydia.
Anyways, I left tonight frustrated that I said too much. And oddly one of the people I was with is a self proclaimed big mouth as well. He said some things that made me annoyed with myself. Something came out of my mouth and as soon as it did I realized, oh crap, why did I say that? Why did I just confess that out loud to these two people? Part of me doesn’t have an issue with honesty. I have learned to deal with personal matters head on, specifically back in elementary school when I was forced to address a situation face to face rather then try to pretend that it didn’t exist. I believe the outcome to this one particular past event made me handle most awkward moments with honesty, especially when it comes to my feelings of romantic interests. Maybe a bit more honesty then is healthy to profess. And in most moments I realize, some people respect forbearance, people who can keep their secrets to themselves, and there are others that admire openness and vulnerability. I have noticed I admire people who can keep thoughts to themselves. I guess part of me longs to be that way myself. Another part knows that’s just not who I am. And if people have an issue with it, that’s there problem.
I’m afraid of giving the impression that the people I was with tonight made me feel guilty for being open. This is not the case. I just sometimes am more sensitive to my big mouth. I regret saying some of the things I said. In regards to myself I mostly do not mind, it was in regards to someone else that the guilt festers. Maybe that’s my biggest issue. I shared some things that I probably shouldn’t have taken the liberty of sharing. Alas, what’s done is done. What’s said has been said.
Blah!
I sometimes wonder what my friends think of me. Do they overlook my sometimes poor decorum? Do they think, ah that’s just Charity running with her mouth again? (Dear Lord, I hope with everything in me that has never been thought or said of me, but sadly I cannot say there is no chance that it has or will be.) I guess they wouldn’t be very good friends if they didn’t overlook my flaws. I love my friends, poor judgments and all! I sometimes wonder if my boisterous personality is part of the reason I have yet to stay in a relationship for very long. Is that honesty and openness not enough of a challenge for them that they lose interest so easily? I’m not much of a mystery. I envy those people who aren’t an open book like I tend to be. Anyways lets not make this about boys, these are just some of my thoughts.
More whining about sickness - I am tired. I’m ready for bed. Last night was a long night! I haven’t been feeling very well the last couple of weeks, as my blogs have confessed. I’m actually very tired of being sick. This weekend was no exception. I was still fighting my cold. I found myself dragging Saturday morning. My stomach touchy that night when I went out to dinner with some of the old linkLINE crew. It was so awesome to hang out with those guys again! (random blurb)I will say this for linkLINE, some really good friendships came out of it. I was hesitant to become friends with anyone at Alliance for the longest time because of the pain of losing my job at linkLINE. But since have discovered some great friends at Alliance as well. Though I’m not sure if the friendships are such that if I were to lose my job tomorrow we’d still get together. But who really knows until it happens right? (/random blurb)
Anyways, Sunday after church I really just wasn’t feeling up to par. I laid in bed most of the day reading. That evening though my stomach decided it wasn’t happy with me. I knew something was wrong and sure enough maybe a half an hour later … I threw up. I haven’t thrown up like that since my elementary school years! It was crazy. Yes, I’m aware this is probably TMI. I just couldn’t believe it. It was funny I actually looked up from the sink and was cognizant of the fact that my face really did look green.
My eyes are closing on me. Guess that’s a good sign it’s time to crawl into bed.
Labels: Rambling, Random
posted by Charity at 1/26/2009 10:57:00 PM 
