So it's the night before Easter. I should be spending my time thinking about how thankful and privileged I am that Jesus died on the cross and rose again! He has risen and has taken away all of my sins. Then why is it that I end this evening with the greatest sense of remorse and disappointment? I do believe I got my hopes up for something that was never going to or supposed to happen. When you put your hope in something and it lets you down, the downer is harder to take because you placed it so high. This sounds so cliché or superficial. It is; it is for my own sake. I am a fool. I was looking for tonight as an answer: a new beginning or something. And now I feel back to square one: alone, sad, and frustrated. I want to be where I know I’m supposed to be. I just wish I had something to hold onto that was real, tangible, and in front of me, so I can keep moving forward. But I know that’s not how God works. I need to have faith that it is going to happen and keep moving forward, plunging ahead to the goals set before me. There is someone out there for me, but he has not yet arrived. But in the meantime I will struggle to gain my focus on my Heavenly Father, who loves and cares for me more then any earthly man could. Why not change my pursuits to please Him instead of others that are not yet defined as worthy of my affection or interests? Simply stated. It’s a hard lesson to learn over and over again. Life is full of disappointments so you cling to what you can find or get that will give you that momentary happiness. But in the long run, perseverance will win. I will keep moving forward with nothing real or tangible in front of me, other then the Love of Jesus and the Faith that knowing He has an awesome plan for my life.
So I go now. Tired and drained. Hoping to be renewed and invigorated with the joy that comes from serving God and not myself or my own desires. From this moment on I’m choosing to pick up the cross daily and plunge forward with the Full Armor of God and take each and every day as a new assignment with anticipation of the challenges I will face.
Goodnight
posted by Charity at 4/19/2003 11:32:00 PM 
